I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
