Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ladies don't puke and tell
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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