dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
