is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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