So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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