I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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