Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize