id be glad to
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
