This girl is more easily done than said...
you would pick up someone in the library
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
