so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
