I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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