i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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