the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
