just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
