i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
