Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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