Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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