mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't notice because vodka
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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