Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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