you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
