What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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