he puts the penis in happiness.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize