covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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