Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
