For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
