Your tits are I can't wait for
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My cat gives me a boner
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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