He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
