just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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