For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
