If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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