Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
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I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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