I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
