We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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