3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
