well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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