I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
