I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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