Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
