I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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