I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
