New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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