I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
