I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
