sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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