so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
