I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
