i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
