$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hippo gnu deer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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