before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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