Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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