that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
