Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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