The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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