She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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