Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
