someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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