my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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