I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
