stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
