He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
