If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think people are normalizing furries
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
