ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
