I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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