Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
