Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
