Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
being pregnant is like rehab
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Randomize
