when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
