i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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