oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
