I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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