1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
