So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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