If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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