got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
