why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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