nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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